Luckily, time and experience have taught me that the media’s portrayal of adoption is far from the truth. While there are many unknowns in adoption, there are many controllable factors. Most adoption agencies and avenues to adoption lay out the process very clearly. Adoptive parents go into adoptions knowing what to expect. Most agencies also ask adoptive parents to specify what adoptive situations they are open to and what age of a child they are seeking to adopt. 

The media portrays adoption as a child dropped off on a doorstep or one with little-known history. While history can sometimes be a bit ambiguous, better records are taken every day and history is often well-known. Open adoptions are becoming more of the norm. The media loves to cling to the story of birth parents coming back for a child years after an adoption has been finalized. Unless some legality was not following in an adoption, the finalization of adoption is legally binding. There is no opportunity for a birth family to come back later and “take” a child back.

The media generally presents adoption as a scary and broken process. The stories that tell of tragedy and heartbreak sell and are viewed much more than happy stories. If you are wanting to know more about adoption, consult those around you who have adopted. Join communities on sites like Adoption.com. While adoption can have tragic stories, there is much more beauty in adoption than not. Do not let the skewed view of the media stop or dissuade your call to adopt or support those in the adoption journey.

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The most important thing to note about adoption support groups, especially those on social media, is that not all support groups are created equal. There are some really great support groups and some really misleading and manipulative groups. Many of the groups on social media that appear to be support groups are really one person behind a computer somewhere who is stating solely his/her opinion and experience. His/her opinion does not equal truth.

It is hard to differentiate on these groups what is sound advice and what is not. You have no way of telling if the stories and experiences being shared are even true. Some groups I have been a member of have gone so far as to manipulate various groups of parents into believing abhorrent myths and practices surrounding adopting. Trust your instincts and seek the counsel of your agency or those who have been through adoption before if you feel something is not right. 

In-person support groups do allow for the mask to come off and the true person to be revealed. These groups also allow you to hear from others who have been members longer. Many of these groups will also have a reputation on adoption boards and word of mouth in the town they gather. However, these groups are not immune to controversy or negativity. They are still subject to creating a narrative from their point of view that may not necessarily be based in fact. If it doesn’t feel right to you, seek out the opinions of others or even a different group if necessary.

Regardless what group you are a part of, it is vital to feel the group out and check facts. It is equally as important to keep an open mind and listen to the other members of the triad. If you are an adoptive parent, seek out support groups that also have birth parents and adoptees and vice versa. Being able to hear the perspective and experience of the other side will be invaluable. It will allow you to have a sounding board to see how your actions might affect the other members of the triad and the chance to see things differently.

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